I was in a quest of the biggest prick ever. I found him, not unexpectedly, in the other room. My Dad is the biggest fuckin' prick you'd ever see. You can prove it only if you're his daughter.
FUCKER. I am so gonna fry your ass to kingdom come when I get my visa.
FUCKER.
Come, one and all! I have extraordinary goods to sell.
"This product is for cleansing the most sensitive area of a woman without leaving and residue, maintains the proper natural moisture of the skin, reducing inflammation and irritation. Free the skin from bacteria and other infections, itching, burning sensation and unpleasant odors. It will also TIGHTENS VIGINAL MUSCLES!"
"Realistic Doll Girl Brand New Factory Sealed!!! Hi Grade Quality Materials. Exciting Rotating Action. With Speed Control and Sound!!! Battery Operated. Free Shipping to anywhere in the Philippine thru Air21 Express 24-48 Hours Delivery !!!"
"Vibrating Condom!!! For only Php 199 each!!! Buy 5 Get 1 Free!!! + Free Shipping!!! Finally you can enhance your love making with the world first vibrating condom ring and... Take your love making to new heights and increase the pleasure both you and your partner experience immediately, without any guess work with the revolutinary new Vibrating Condom. This is a Brand NEW award winning vibrating condom product which differs from traditional condoms that tend to decrease pleasure. The vibrating condom will also help to prevent AIDS and other sexually transmitted disease. This is the first vibrating condom to hit the market. The Vibrating Condom Ring winner of the highest invent Award at Geneva of Switzerland inventions fair. Just what can you expect to happen with this amazing new vibrating condom invention? Strong vibrations provide exciting stimulation for both partners. It can be turned on or off at any time and is powered by a light battery that is safely enclosed with a soft silicone shell. This comes with one premium lubricated condom but can be used with any condom."
DISCLAIMER: Copied verbatim from ebay.ph. :D
Dear Doc,
You know I used dear for formality's sake. Bakit mo ba ako laging inaaasar, ha? 3o minutes pa lang tayo magkakilala hiniritan mo na ako agad. Nung nahilo ako, sinabi mo sa akin na hindi lang ako sanay malipasan ng gutom. Nung nag-beach volleyball tayo, sabi mo kaya clear yung shots ko sa photos kasi hindi ako gumagalaw. Nung ginaya ko yung deep breaths ni Darth Vader, sabi mo bad breath lang yan. Nung nagcomment ako tungkol sa bikers na naka-spandex, sabi mo kung saan saan kasi ako tumitingin. Grabe ka ha. Ang presko mo.
Nung first dinner natin, sinabi mo sa banda na birthday ko. Kinantahan tuloy ako, tapos sinayaw pa ako ng bokalista. Ugh. Alam mo, gusto talaga kita gantihan. Pero sa tuwing nakakaisip ako ng ganti, aasarin mo nanaman ako. Ano ba, ha? Gagamitin ko yung mga acupuncture needles mo at itutusok ko sayo. May funny moments ka naman eh. Sige na - nung pinagalaw mo yung stomach fats mo, nung ginamitan mo ako ng bruce lee moves mo, at nung inilawan mo ako ng penlight para kunwari "spotlight" para matanong niyo ako tungkol sa lovelife ko, at nung tinatakot mo ako nung nag-snorkeling tayo.
Kung makita kita ulit, malamang kukurutin ko ilong mo at babasagin ko salamin mo.
Faith
